(Please note that the content of this post may be disturbing for some, so please only read if you are not faint-hearted).
It’s only been a few days since we lost our boy Idrys. And the pain is still very much the same since the day we were told he had Edwards Syndrome. The last few days, especially after his burial, my husband and I started to look back at our ‘traumatic’ experience at the hospital.
Not long after I was admitted, I started having strong labour contractions. I did not realise they were contractions until I asked my friend to timed me. I asked the ‘midwife’ who was assigned to look after me if I should be getting contractions, with the fact that I had not taken any medical termination pills and she looked at me and kept saying “it’s normal”. Normal? If so, should she be telling me that I am already in labour and getting me ready to give birth to my unborn son? She only later came back (20 mins later), to instal the IV tube in my arm in case something goes horribly wrong and I may need a blood transfusion or they need to top up my liquid due to dehydration. I was certain of how careless and inexperience she was as she kept proving my arm and ‘stabbed’ me twice and left me in pain whilst having my contractions. As her mission failed she then left me and said “I’ll have to get one of the doctors to do it. Your veins are too thin for me”. What a thing to say to someone who is in labour and about to experience one of the saddest moment of her life? I was not there because I wanted to ‘get rid’ of my son. I was there because I was trying to do the best for him as he was terribly ill. It was a WANTED pregnancy. Why was I and my husband treated as though we were to abort an unwanted baby?
When my water finally broke after an hour, the ‘midwife’ was no where in sight, W had to screamed for her to bring us in the commode. I was told to ‘just sit on it’ until baby passes. And then she left us again, this time in the toilet. I could then feel something was coming out of me. I was screaming for the midwife and hanging on to my husband who was also quite broken at this point. Still no midwife. I saw my baby was half way out of me. I saw his head and arm but that was too much for me and my husband to witnessed all by ourselves. Another splashed and the baby was out. It was at this point, we both yelled for the midwife. And my friend had to go out twice looking for a hospital personnel who may be able to help. The midwife finally came back afterwards and with my baby in the kidney tray and still attached to his umbilical cord, my tearful self asked her to help and release him. She said she wasn’t sure what to do and looked at my husband asking him what to do. I sent her off to look for a doctor for me as she proved to be extremely useless and she said there is no doctor available at that time. I then asked her to bring in another colleague (midwife) instead. And what a difference that made as the her colleague knew exactly what to do. She brought in a pair of scissors and helped my cut the umbilical cord and released my baby. That’s all that was needed to be done. I then had to wait for my placenta to be delivered naturally. How can a careless, inexperience midwife be allowed to care for someone in our situation?
The next trauma was when we asked to see our baby. I was told by the doctor that the baby will be delivered to us in a container. I had no idea how bad it was going to be. When the same unhelpful midwife came back with a round plastic container, I was already heartbroken. She left the container which was closed with a lid on my bed. Please bear in mind how already broken and fragile we were at this point. When we opened the lid, there he was, our baby Idrys, still covered in blood and laying down sleeping next to his placenta. We were gobsmacked with the way he was presented to us and shocked to the point that we could not get ourselves to even hold him for one last time. How can a hospital be so clinical and insensitive to parents like us that that could not even give us a little bit of dignity or comfort even to the last moments we had with our baby? How hard could it be to try and wrap our baby in a towel or put it in a clean basket after what we had just gone through? That was our only one regret. Yes it will haunt us for the rest f our lives but given the situation, any parent whom had just gone through our horrifying experience may have feel the same way.
There is also a huge questions mark on why parents going through the same situation as us were not placed in a separate area to those who were at the hospital to ‘get rid’ of their unwanted baby. We wanted our baby. And yes we should be treated with extra care and sensitivity. We were not hoping to be in and out and forget out baby. We were there to deliver our baby in the most dignified way and especially that the last and very least we could do for our unborn son. Don’t hospital get that? Having said that my husband and I have read posts where some hospitals do make the effort and gave parents hand and foot prints, helped and dressed the baby and even delivered the baby in a moses basket. Our was delivered in a PLASTIC CONTAINER! So hurtful, so appalling.
So sorry Idrys. We were in shock. We hope you forgive us and in time this pain and regret will go away. However we are glad we found a beautiful place as your final resting place and that daddy was the last person who put you in your grave and the last person to stroke you when you left us to sleep peacefully forever.
Forever in our heart x
IDRYS – 03.02.16