It’s school half term this week & we figured a time away from working at our coffee shop & spend the day with our two boys may help to ease the pain. The last week was all about trying to get back to normality. We have slowly able to speak of our loss to other people including some of our customers.
It was hard at first, but I feel that if I don’t find the strength to talk about what has happened and speak of the loss of my baby Idrys, then will forever be forgotten. I want my son to be validated, by people around me, by the society. It’s absurd to think that the law do not allow babies born before 24 weeks gestation be recognised or be registered anywhere officially. Heartbreaking for parents like us whom had to lose our baby in such a horrible way.
Crying is something I do on a daily basis. There, four times a day is normal. Usually in my bedroom and at times when I can’t hold it together anymore in our shop, I would head for tge toilet and cry my heart out, and that’s because I miss him so much. Missing the fact that we will never have the opportunity to see him grow but knew it wouldn’t have been possible due to his condition.
Today I tried my very best to be ok for my 2 other boys. So we took then for a trip to a safari. But what hit home was that at 3pm I remembered that it was the time when the hospital called me to go in as they have a bed available for me. And at around 5.30pm today reminded me of when I had him two weeks ago.
It’s been a really difficult recovery. I even had to go back to the a&e at the same hospital last Friday night due to a large clot and heavy bleeding. The saddest part was when my husband and I left the hospital in the early hours of the morning, remembering what had happened just over a week ago and leaving the hospital without our baby.
Although I was glad to see my husband and kids enjoying our trip today, deep down I know all of us are still very heartbroken.
Missing you baby Idrys x
Shine bright tonight my darling x
Forever in our heart